More on Everyone and Their Insecurity

I mentioned earlier that I found comfort in the idea that everyone is insecure about something. Well, Dave Navarro has written a couple really fantastic posts on the subject this month.

What Dave Wrote

The first post was called Insecurity Doesn't Pay the Bills and the basic premise was that

EVERYONE YOU ADMIRE IS REALLY, REALLY SCREWED UP

The follow up was Why Worry Keeps You Poor and How to Fix It

But after thinking about it, I’m convinced that the majority of our shared hangups don’t truly stem from a low self image. I think what it really comes down to is worry – that stupid game we play in our head where we freak out about what might happen if we take action. - Dave Navarro

If you go and read the posts then you need to scroll down and read the comments. In the first post a lot of people share their insecurities and in the second there are many variations on the fixing it part and people being inspired to take action.

My First Emotional Responses

I struggle with the usual insecurities. I'm not good enough. I'm not cool enough to attract people online. I'm not consistent enough.  I try to talk about content marketing and can't keep up with my twitter account. I believe I am good at this thing over here and I've been told flat to my face that I'm not and maybe they're right.

I could go on. A lot.

Dave suggests focusing on the value I can offer. I almost find that more depressing. Because I can't seem to find the right people who could use that value or present myself in a way that makes it possible for them to find me.

But he's right in that insecurity doesn't pay the bills. I have to try to provide what value I can, when I can, to who I currently have access to. And that will lead me forward, no matter how I feel about it in my darker moments.

I do get caught in that other trap he mentions, of rehearsing things that can go wrong. I tell myself I'm doing it to be prepared, but too often I start believing in what I've rehearsed and acting in a way influenced by it, instead of by the positive future I'm trying to achieve.

It's really difficult for me to follow his advice and see failure as an acceptable risk, to consider what I'm trying to do as an experiment. I want to get it RIGHT, damn it. 

Yet Defining Failure

I get hung up on the word "failure".

It's okay that there's a couple of beads of paint on the wall in the bathroom where it dripped instead of my catching all of it. It's okay that I yelled at my daughter in a way I said I never would. It's okay that I made a mistake that likely cost the company sales due to timing.

These things happen and they are offset by the good things - how much better the wall looks, the apologies and trust afterwards, and the times I've figured something out that made the company money or headed a problem off at the pass.

Well, it's not okay, exactly. There were consequences. I needed and need to improve. I messed up. I erred. I could have done it better.

But saying I failed, saying that failure is acceptable, is like waking up to realize I'm already falling down a dark chasm and the ground is coming up fast.

Not being perfect I can live with. Having a better than average batting average based on whatever is the appropriate standard, I can live with.

Somehow failing is different.

I'm not sure if there's a point to this beyond the power of words and how they might apply differently to each of us.

I deliberately avoid the word because of the emotional associations I have with it. I make it easier to move forward by not looking the specter straight in the face but only out of the corner of my eye.

Because then I can focus on the goal beyond. 

Update on Wednesday, April 21, 2010 at 10:11PM by Beth

In the same vein, but with a twist - Taylor at Men with Pens on why Imperfection is a good thing